


In the Moments Between

by thehorrorinsymmetry



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fluff, I Can't Believe It's Not An AU, M/M, Vignettes, a bit of angst, a little more info for cws in the a/n, background reyva but if you blink you'll miss it, decriptions of wounds and canon typical violence, finn is force sensitive in a major way, kind of a 5+1 type fic, poe's pov but it's just about how much he loves finn, trans Finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 05:47:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehorrorinsymmetry/pseuds/thehorrorinsymmetry
Summary: Love changes over time. Or: Six moments in which Poe loves Finn.





	In the Moments Between

**Author's Note:**

> part 3 is basically a pwp so if you want to skip the porn just go right on through from the end of part 2 to the start of part 4!
> 
> there's no graphic violence but it starts a few weeks after tfa ends and there's descriptions of wounds/scars throughout it

i.

 

It’s been a week and a half since they destroyed Starkiller.

Finn is still asleep.

Dr. Kalonia assures Poe that Finn’s healing as well as can be hoped for, that his body just needs time to recuperate, but the cruel injustice of it makes Poe’s blood boil. Finn had been through so much - had escaped a life of indoctrination and violent abuse and then went right back to face it all over again in order to save someone he’d known for a few  _ days _ . He was the entire reason they were able to infiltrate Starkiller - let alone  _ destroy  _ it - and he doesn't even know it happened. He doesn't even know that he’d managed to save his friend’s life.

The man deserved to celebrate the incredible success more than anyone on the base and yet here he is, prone and motionless days after he was taken out of the bacta tank.

Poe himself has been put on desk duty until a psychologist he doesn't even know has decided he's not going to fly into the ground after he - after what Ren did to him.

He gets it, he does, but being expected to tell a stranger how it felt for his mind to be invaded, for him to betray the resistance and give up information at the wave of someone's fingers, well. It's hardly his idea of a good time.

So he talks to Finn instead.

He knows it's not really fair - for all that he owes this man his life and gets butterflies in his chest when he thinks about seeing him on the tarmac again, he still doesn't know him all that well. Not really.

He knows that Finn is something beyond courageous, that despite apparently growing up in the First Order - growing up without so much as a  _ name _ \- he's somehow managed to hold onto his humanity. He knows that in the short time Finn had been free he saved multiple lives. Hell, he walked in and led the resistance right to their biggest victory yet.

But he doesn't know what Finn likes in his caf - or if he likes caf at all. He doesn't know his favourite colour or what kind of weather he prefers. He doesn't know if Finn is a morning person or a night owl, or how he likes to spend his downtime. He doesn't even know if Finn will still want to be called Finn now that they're past the heat of the moment.

He doesn't know whether Finn will want to stick around the resistance if - when - he wakes up, but he tries to not think about that.

Whether it's because this is Finn or just because the man is unconscious, Finn is far easier to talk to than the person he's been assigned to. He doesn't even mean to, but the whirs and beeps of the equipment fall far short of filling the void left by Finn’s motionless body. So he starts talking.

At first he just talks about mundane things - BB-8’s maintenance he's been working on, the endless paperwork that does absolutely nothing to keep his mind off the past few weeks, what the other pilots are up to.

Once he starts it quickly becomes impossible to stop.

He talks about calling his father, about how the man seems older now, the lines on his face deeper. He talks about how much he hates having to keep so much from him, about how his pa seems to get it anyway. That leads to talking about his family, about the war his parents had fought in, about how he's always wanted kids but the older he gets the less sure he is they won't end up in the same position as him and his parents.

Sometimes Poe reads to him. He has no idea what kind of book Finn would like - yet another unknown to add to the list - so he reads a little bit of everything. He would stick to his favourites but as much as he believes that Finn isn't going to remember anything he's said he is absolutely not going to risk the chance that Finn wakes up and asks him why he only reads dumb romance novels. He tells Finn his own stories too, the stories his mom used to tell him and the best stories he has from goofing around as a kid. He tells Finn the story of the hero of Starkiller - of how he hears people talk, how many people want to meet the man that led to their success. How badly everyone wants Finn to wake up, how much  _ he _ wants Finn to wake up.

He talks until his voice is hoarse.

He doesn't mean to start talking to Finn like he's a silent therapist - even unconscious, Finn hardly needs to take on Poe's surplus of oversized emotional baggage - but he makes a dumb joke about wishing Kalonia would knock him out too and for the millionth time his mouth begins to run too fast for him to catch up. He tells Finn about how he hasn't slept more than an hour at a time since he was captured, how much room and trust Leia has given him since he joined only for him to get captured and give it all away at the hands of that vile monster.

It's the first time he's actually talked about how it felt for someone to invade his mind and search through his private thoughts and memories as if they were perusing an aisle in a grocery store. How he was absolutely sure he was going to die. How he could feel himself getting weaker, less and less able to fight what they kept doing to him. How he began to say his goodbyes to his dad, to Leia and his friends. That he'd told himself this is what happens to people that are too slow, that betray the resistance - accidentally or otherwise. That at least he'd get to see his mom and Muran again.

Finn doesn't react to that.

He never reacts.

It's fine. He's healing. Poe has to believe Kalonia - even if she's given him the same line every time he checks in with her - because the alternative isn't acceptable. Not after everything Finn has already been through.

So he waits.

Sometimes, on the worse days, he'll hold Finn’s hand for a little while. More than the monitors or the very slight rise and fall of his chest, the warmth tells him that Finn is still there. Even limp and almost lifeless, he still has a pulse. A slow, constant beat that tells Poe to hold on.

The medical staff get used to his presence. Sometimes they'll make small talk or give Poe the same non-update while they check his vitals but usually they just ignore him, going about their jobs like they're the only person in the room. He averts his gaze, focuses on his datapad or his hands or the jacket he's been slowly repairing. This time is no different when Zan walks in with a silent nod his way.

He stops reading.

The sound of Finn's bandages being changed is never pleasant, the rip of the old bandage being pulled away from Finn's skin somehow more visceral than when Poe's pulling one off himself, but this time it's particularly loud. There's a quiet rush of air that makes Poe look up, and -

_ Kriff _ .

The air disappears from his lungs at the sight of Finn's back.

The wound bisects Finn’s back, runs all the way from his left hip up his spine to his right shoulder. A deceptively clean-looking line, sharp from the saber, thick. Thick, because it was so deep it nearly severed his spine. Thick, because kylo had intended to kill him.

It's the kind of wound that could kill someone a hundred different ways. The kind that could leave someone a vegetable, with permanent damage or pain even with the best medicine in the galaxy. Even if they weren't holed up on an unpopulated planet hidden from civilization. 

Zan picks up a fresh bandage and just like that it disappears, hidden beneath the thin white fabric. Finn is rolled onto his back again and it's as if nothing had ever happened. As if Finn's just having a nap. Zan leaves, off to help another patient.

Poe curls into himself and covers his face with his palms. The monitors continue to beep, no change from Zan moving him around.

He takes a deep breath.

_ Kriff _ .

He bites his tongue, forcing down the sob thick in his throat, pushing his palms against his eyes. The exhaustion pushes at him, squeezing until he feels as if he’s going to explode.

He wants to yell.

He doesn't.

He takes a deep breath, and another. In through his nose, out through his mouth. He keeps going until the pain is down to a dull throb.

Finn hasn't moved.

Rubbing a hand over his face again, he stands up. The sound of his footsteps echo in the sterile room. He sits on the edge of Finn's bed, careful to not jostle the man even when all he wants is to shake him until he wakes up. The angle makes it harder to see the small movement in Finn’s chest so he cups Finn’s jaw.

This is so far from how he wanted this to happen.

He runs his thumb over Finn's cheekbone and wonders what it would feel like if Finn leaned into his touch, if he got to see those gorgeous dark eyes looking back at him.

“We’re going to do this.” The words come quietly, barely audible to himself in the near silent room. “We’re going to do this.”

If it's the last thing he does, he's going to make sure Kylo pays. For Finn. For Leia. For himself. For the galaxy full of people Kylo has hurt.

He just needs Finn to wake up first.

“Please, Finn.” He brushes his fingertips over Finn’s forehead. “You have so much to wake up for.”

Finn doesn't move.

He keeps waiting.

 

 

\------

 

 

ii.

 

Poe makes the walk to his bunk with a hop in his step.

Generally, the concept of spending his afternoon doing paperwork is hardly the sort of thing that would make him feel so peppy, but the kids did such a great job in their exercises this morning he can't bring himself to mind. They’ve absolutely earned a few hours of downtime.

He, on the other hand, has run out of excuses to not finish the reports that never seem to stop piling up on his desk. Even if he'd rather scrub the hangar down with a toothbrush.

It's not all bad, though. It's not bad at all because the kids are great and they're going to be kicking first order ass right alongside him soon enough. And, as a professional hater of paperwork with decades of experience, he has a wealth of tricks to make it a little less awful when avoidance is no longer an option.

He dawdles for a bit, toys with the concept of organizing his already tidy room, but eventually grabs his datapad and heads outside. They haven't been on this planet for long enough for him to totally know his way outside the base quite yet but if he somehow gets lost BB-8 can lead them back so he lets himself walk for a few minutes until he finds a bit of an opening through the trees that leads to a secluded field.

BB-8 whirrs, rolling past him to explore the new space. He settles against a tree and takes a deep breath, sighing when he finally turns the datapad on. This is fine.

This is so boring.

He lets himself check his watch once he finishes the first report and groans, resisting the urge to toss the datapad across the field. There's no way only fifteen minutes have passed.

Maybe the General would have sometime he could help with.

He's a commander, for kriff’s sake. There are far better ways to spend his time than documenting a simple training exercise.

He reads through what he already has for the second report twice but the words may as well not be there at all for how much he actually makes out. He tries again, reading each word with the kind of purpose that this kind of report really does not deserve, but only gets to the second paragraph when BB-8 beeps in excitement.

He looks up and freezes.

Finn pauses at the edge of the field, crouching down to greet BB-8 and give Poe a much needed moment to try to slow his racing heart. He takes a deep breath

Finn doesn't seem surprised to see him, which doesn't mean anything. He knows Poe likes being outside. Maybe someone saw Poe come this way.

He very carefully does not think about how Finn seems to always be able to find him. He trusts Finn unconditionally, he knows that Finn would never invade his mind or control him or do anything to him ever, but - well. The idea that the man can just sense him - even on a vague level - when he's so completely head over heels is an incredibly unnerving thought. 

Finn pushes up and smiles at him, waving as he walks closer. “Hey, am I interrupting?”

“Not even a little bit, buddy.” He drops his pad onto the grass beside him. “I was just about to take a break, anyway.”

Finn lifts an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. He sits down next to Poe, settling on the soft grass with barely any space between them. “Weren’t you going to be running drills all day?”

“That was the plan, yeah. But the kids did so well this morning I had to give them the afternoon off. So they're probably out letting off some steam and I get to spend this beautiful afternoon on reports.” He nudges his knee against Finn’s. “How was training?”

Finn drops onto his back with a groan, splaying out on the grass.

“That good, huh?”

Finn huffs. He rubs his hands over his face. “The saber is fine but trying to focus enough to actually use the force? There's so many distractions.” He takes a deep breath, his leg resting against Poe's. “Unless moving a small pebble about a foot away is somehow going to help in battle everything I've managed so far is totally useless.”

“Hey, none of that.” He squeezes Finn's arm. “You're gonna get it. You've barely started training - not to mention all of the stuff you've been doing on top of that - and nobody picks this stuff up in a day. It took Skywalker  _ months _ , and that was all he did.”

Finn stares at him, his gaze heavy even at the odd angle. “You really think so?”

“I  _ know _ so.” He bites his lip. “You're amazing, Finn. Having an off day doesn't change that.”

Finn squeezes his knee. “Thank you.”

He swallows and tries to ignore the warm weight of Finn's palm on his leg. “Don't mention it, buddy.”

Finn smiles. “How are the reports?” 

Poe makes a face.

“That good?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” He laughs. “When I joined the resistance I knew it would be tough, but I was thinking more along the lines of the actual fights against the first order. I think I do even more paperwork here than I did in the republic.” 

Finn chuckles. “You know if you had less work you'd just ask for more.”

“Come on, I think I've earned a nice vacation on some beachy destination planet by now.” 

“You've earned a lifetime of that but you'd get bored after five minutes and get yourself in trouble somehow, even on the most peaceful planet.” Finn's nails graze along the inside of his knee, his eyes falling shut and his smile soft in the warm sunlight. “You'd miss us all so much you'd turn the ship around before you even landed.”

He chews on his bottom lip. “Yeah, I probably would.”

Finn nods. His gentle smile twists into a grimace as he stiffens against Poe.

“Finn? You okay?” 

“I'm fine.” Finn gasps, pushing his back against the ground. “It just gets so kriffing itchy sometimes.”

“Turn over?”

Finn rolls towards Poe without a trace of hesitation, his side brushing Poe's thigh. He settles on his front and rests his head on his folded arm, eyes shut again and features totally relaxed as he waits for Poe to touch him.

Poe starts at his shoulder, pushing the heel of his palm into Finn’s back the way he knows Finn likes. He squeezes his eyes shut at Finn’s sharp inhale, the shaky rush of air leaving him covered up by Finn's groan.

Finn's thin t-shirt does little to hide the warmth radiating off of Finn as Poe runs his hands along Finn’s back, digs his fingertips into tight muscle. “Kriff, Finn, you're so stiff.”

Bad phrase, Dameron.

He shakes his head. “Have you been doing your stretches?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Finn huffs. “It's not my fault if they act like I just sit around all day and have an entire hour to spare every day.”

He bites his lip to keep from reminding Finn how important it is. It'd hardly be the first time he's said it. Instead, he pushes up onto his knees and turns to face Finn properly. He leans his hip into Finn’s and splays his hands over Finn's back. He bites his lip and tries to focus on working at the knot between Finn's shoulder blades. 

He's just helping his friend out. This could be  _ anyone _ -

“Stars, Poe,” Finn hums. “Your hands are  _ magic _ .”

“I bet you tell that to all the boys.” 

“Mm, only the cute ones that scratch my back just ri-” Finn breaks into a gasp, his back arching beneath Poe's hands. “Oh, right there.”

Poe is absolutely about to die right here in this field.

“Hey, wait a sec.” Finn pushes up onto his knees and - oh no.

Finn grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls the material up, the newly revealed muscles in his torso shifting as he drags the shirt over his head. He drops it on the ground, laying down again and grinning at Poe over his shoulder. “Okay, you may continue now.”

He takes a deep breath. The scar has faded a bit, a little less red than the last time he'd seen it, stands out a bit less than the newer scars lining the bottom of his pecs, but it still takes him back to seeing Finn unconscious, being transported from the Falcon after they'd destroyed Starkiller. To the endlessly long time that Finn had remained unconscious, to the handful of physio appointments he'd been able to attend, to the night Finn had confided in him that he wasn't sure he wanted to stay. To every time that he thought he was going to lose Finn.

“Poe, you okay?”

He blinks, clearing his throat. “Yeah, uh.” He lets himself trail a finger over the base of the scar. “It’s healing really well, hey?”

Finn grunts. “It’d be nice if it’d heal a little faster.” 

“You took a saber to the spine, Finn.” He starts rubbing at Finn’s back again. “It takes time to heal from something like that.” 

Finn sighs. “Yeah, well. I’m glad I've got you around at least.” 

Poe’s ears burn as he presses his fingers into Finn’s shoulder. “Maybe I should start charging you for my time.”

Finn shifts under him with a laugh. “Mm, I'd be willing to barter, maybe. You give me back rubs and I'll give you my dessert at dinner sometimes.”

He blinks. “You already do that.”

“And you already give me backrubs. Seems like a pretty good trade, yeah?”

He reaches up and pinches Finn's earlobe. Finn yelps and rolls away, stopping only when he's put a few feet between them. He stares at Poe, his mouth hanging open. “Uncalled for!”

“Always gotta stay on your toes, buddy.” He smirks. “Isn't that part of your training?”

Finn shakes his head. “I can't believe you'd do this to me.”

“You mean give you free backrubs?”

Finn shakes his head, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. The quiet moment is just long enough for Poe to register Finn lying on his side, resting his head on his arm and looking for all the world like a model instead of the incredibly skilled fighter and tactician dabbling in Jedi training that he is.

There’s a sparse trail of hair just under his belly button that disappears under his pants.

Poe swallows.

“Hey, what if I gave you a backrub?”

He blinks. “Finn, I'm not actually expecting anything.”

“I know,” Finn pushes up onto his knees and scoots closer. “But I want to? Uh - I know you're not recovering from a major injury, but - it can't be good for you to be sitting in a cockpit so much.”

He bites his lip. “Are you sure?”

“Of course, man.” Finn grins. “I don't know if I can live up to your backrubs, but it won't be so hard to touch you for a little while.”

Holy kriff.

“Yeah, okay.”

The soft grin Finn gives him in reply tells him exactly what he already knew. He's in way, impossibly, irrevocably over his head.

He's okay with that.

 

 

\------

 

 

iii. 

 

“Stars, Finn,” Poe gasps as he's pushed against the wall. He cups Finn’s jaw and drags him into a kiss, so hard that their teeth knock together, his mind reeling as Finn invades his every sense.

Finn hums, pushing Poe’s shirt up his back and splaying his hands on the bare skin. He drags his mouth along Poe’s jaw and down his neck, sucking at a patch of skin until Poe has to grab at his shoulders to keep from collapsing. He kisses Finn’s ear, the side of his head, everywhere he can reach until Finn tilts his head up and kisses him again.

Poe moans, a desperate, wrecked sound even to his own ears, one that he’s already far too gone to care about. Instead, he grabs at Finn’s shirt, tugging it out of his pants and dragging it up his back, over his head, dropping it to the floor without a second thought.

He swallows.

Finn is gorgeous.

It’s far from the first time he’s seen Finn shirtless but the knowledge that he gets to touch him now - that he gets to love him - 

It's intoxicating.

He runs the his fingers over Finn's sternum. Finn is warm against him, soft, the room beyond where he's touching Finn spinning in his vision. He stills his hand over Finn’s heart, pressing him palm in so he can feel Finn’s heart racing in time with his own.

Finn’s hand covers his, holding it in place on his chest. His dark eyes pull Poe in, threaten to keep him locked there for life, as helpless as the tides in the moons’ gravity.

“Do you, uh,” He licks his lips, takes a deep breath. “Come to bed with me?”

Finn nods quickly. “Yeah, yes -” He leans into Poe, pressing him into the wall with the length of his torso, and kisses him. “Kriff, Poe. Yes.”

He wraps his arms around Finn’s shoulders and pulls him closer, licks into his mouth, presses close until they're touching from head to toe, until he begins to forget where he ends and Finn begins.

Finn.

Finn said yes. He said yes, he wants to have sex, he wants this with Poe. Its Finn's body against his, Finn’s tongue in his mouth, Finn’s hands pulling at the buttons of his shirt.

They're doing this.

Finn nips at his lip before pulling away. Poe tries to catch his mouth again, whines at the lost contact, but Finn leans down and pushes Poe’s collar back, sucking at the base of his neck.

Holy kriff.

He gasps. A line draws through him from Finn’s mouth to the growing heat low in his belly. Finn pushes his shirt up, still half buttoned, until it’s caught under his arms. He squirms and grabs at his shirt, one hand landing on Finn’s, but they manage to get the shirt over his head together because they’re the best team always, every time. 

As soon as his shirt has hit the ground he wraps his arms around Finn again, desperate for the press of bare skin, the warmth of Finn's chest on his.

Finn puts his hands on Poe's shoulders with a soft nip to his jaw, trailing slow, open-mouthed kisses down his chin and across his collarbone. His hands slide down Poe's back, holding his waist as Finn drags his mouth lower and lower until Finn drops to his knees. “Oh Kriff,”

Finn smiles, holding his gaze as he flicks his tongue into Poe's navel, sucking at it, dragging the sensitive skin between his lips. He cups the back of Finn's head and tries to focus on keeping his touch light, on not accidentally falling on top of the man in front of him.

That whole plan nearly goes to hell when Finn cups him through his pants.

He knocks his head against the wall as he pushes himself back to regain his balance, pushing his hips into Finn's palm.

“Stars, Poe,” Finn groans, pressing his forehead against Poe's hip. “Do you have any idea how hot you are?”

He laughs breathlessly. “Have you looked in a mirror lately? Or ever?”

Finn laughs and presses a kiss to the skin above Poe's hip. He squeezes Poe's cock, sending a wave of hot pleasure crashing through him. 

The wonderful, glorious pressure disappears and he opens his eyes to Finn’s hands tugging his belt open. He grabs Finn's hands and pulls them off his belt, holding them against his abdomen.

Finn freezes, his confused frown completely incongruous with the thrum of pleasure still thick in Poe's veins. “What's wrong?”

“Bed, I want -” He tugs at Finn’s arms, pulls him up until they're back to the same height. “Can we - On the bed. I want to do this on the bed.”

Finn kisses him.

He wraps his arms around Finn’s waist and tries to deepen the kiss but Finn cups his jaw and keeps it soft, so slow that it somehow feels even more intense.

Finn leans back and smiles at him and if he hadn't already known that Finn has the entirety of his heart, that every cell, every beat belongs to him, the emotion that hits him like a brick, like a wave crashing over him, would probably be more of a surprise.

It still makes his knees weak.

Finn takes his hand again and leads him across the short distance to the bed and, with both hands splayed on Poe's chest and a devastating grin, pushes him down to sit on the mattress. He watches Finn set the lights to half power, tries to take the brief moment of respite to get his breathing under control. 

It works pretty well until Finn kneels on the bed and straddles Poe. He runs his hands up Finn's thighs. “Have you done this before?”

“A couple times, yeah.” Finn nods, trailing his thumb down Poe's sternum, over a nipple. “Never with anyone that made me feel like you do, though.”

“Oh.” That's nowhere near enough, not when Finn just said  _ that _ , but he can't - the words that would be good enough don't exist. He holds Finn’s gaze, presses his fingertips into the small of Finn's back. “Me too.”

Finn smiles at him, setting off trails of sparks along Poe's arms as his hands slide up to Poe's shoulders.

“I've only done it once. Uh, It wasn't - it wasn't good.” He takes a deep breath before the frown line across Finn's forehead can get deeper. “But I  _ really _ want to have sex with you.”

Finn laughs and wraps his hands around  Poe’s neck, his thumbs warm on Poe's jaw, and kisses him. “I do too.”

He bites his lip. “Is there anything you like? Or - anything you don't?”

“I don't like pain stuff.” Finn absentmindedly strokes his fingers over the base of Poe's scalp, his gaze trailing over Poe's face. “I do like your hands,”

Without thinking he tightens his grip on Finn's waist. Finn smiles and licks his lips, dragging his thumb across Poe's lip. “I like your mouth,”

He kisses Finn. Finn sucks at his bottom lip, his tongue a heavy, wet drag over Poe's lip. He pulls Finn closer and slides his hands up Finn's back, over the soft skin, smooth scar tissue, the dip of his spine.

Finn breaks the kiss with a ragged breath. “I like that too.”

He groans. “You're gonna kill me if you keep that up.”

Finn laughs, a low rumble that rolls through him, that Poe can feel in the way he moves. “I hope not,” He murmurs. “I still don't know what you like.”

“I like you.” The words fly off his tongue before he even realizes they're there. Heat rushes through his ears but Finn's smile grows. “Uh, I like touching. I really like touching  _ you.” _

Finn licks his lips. “That's uh, that's good.”

He glides his fingers down Finn's sides, gripping his belt. “I think I'd like it if we were naked.”

Finn nods quickly. “Yeah, we should - we should do that.”

He leans forward and places an open-mouthed kiss to Finn's sternum and he pulls Finn's belt open. Finn gasps, fingers sliding through Poe's hair as he cups his head. He mouths at Finn's skin, making a path across his chest until he reaches Finn's nipple. He sucks it into his mouth and immediately fumbles the button of Finn's fly when Finn shifts against his cock. He groans which only makes Finn grind against him more, building a glorious pressure inside him.

“Oh Kriff,” Finn moans. His hands join Poe's and together they manage to get his fly open, the sound of the zipper being pulled down nearly obscene in the quiet room. “Poe,”

The sound of his name on Finn's lips feels like a kiss, like a caress that creates sparks as much as it does warmth.

They nearly fall off the bed when he tries to flip them. Finn lets out a squeak and wraps his arms around Poe’s neck, holding on tight and managing to land on the bed with a quick, awkward maneuver that makes a muscle in his low back twinge in protest. His forehead slams against Finn’s jaw and Finn bursts out laughing, holding him close when he drops his forehead on Finn’s chest with a sigh. “Smooth move.”

He groans, lifting up to rest his chin on Finn’s chest, looking up at Finn from a very strange, somewhat blurry angle. “See if I ever try to be sexy in front of you again.”

Laughter rumbles in Finn’s chest. “Oh, Poe,” He pretends to moan, grabbing at Poe’s shoulder with a bright smile. “Please almost push me off the bed again.”

He pushes himself up and bites his lip to keep from smiling. “I guess I’ll just go put my shirt back on, then.”

Finn wraps his legs around Poe before he can move away. “Don’t even think about it.”

He looks at Finn. “Are you going to laugh at me again?”

“Are you going to try to push me off the bed again?”

He sighs.

Finn grabs Poe’s belt, tugging him closer so he can pull it open. “Where were we?”

He stays still as Finn opens his fly, looking up at the ceiling to try to keep his expression neutral.

Finn grabs the elastic band of his underwear and snaps it against his belly. “Come on, this is supposed to be a two person activity.”

He huffs. A thrill rushes through him at the sight of Finn splayed out on his bed, half undressed, still smiling.

“Poe. If I was gonna just masturbate I could have stayed in my own room.”

A rush of laughter escapes before he can get control of himself. He plants his hands on either side of Finn’s head and leans down. “That wouldn't be, uh, you could do that, if you want.”

Finn shakes his head. Poe kisses him, as chaste as he can manage. Finn nips his lips and grins at him when he pulls back, his fingertips slipping into Poe's waistband again. “You ready to get back to it yet?”

He hums. “Mmm, fine.”

“Good,” Finn laughs. “I seem to remember something about getting naked.”

He cups Finn’s jaw and kisses him again. Finn runs his hands over Poe’s hips and slides them under his pants, pushing the material down, grabbing at his ass. He pushes onto one elbow and pulls his pants down, releasing his cock, shivering at the sudden rush of cool air. Finn helps push the pants down his thighs, his gaze travelling down the length of Poe's body.

He tries to lean against Finn and lift one leg but between the two of them they overdo it and his pants catch on his knee, causing a decidedly not sexy sort of flail. “Wait, hang on a sec.”

Finn stares at him as he pushes up and gets the material past each knee, inadvertently pushing his hips forward when he leans back to tug it off and finally drops the clothing on the ground. “There's really no sexy way to do that, huh.”

“No, you were doing pretty well.” Finn meets his gaze and the intensity in his gaze hits Poe like a punch to his gut.

He leans over Finn again, holding his gaze until he can feel Finn's torso under his. Nosing at Finn's collarbone, he presses a soft kiss to the dip at the base of Finn's neck. Finn holds onto his arms, fingertips tracing over his biceps. He slides his mouth down Finn's sternum and pauses to flick his tongue into Finn's belly button.

Finn gasps, arching under him, the material of his pants grazing Poe's cock. He groans and grabs at Finn's pants, already has them halfway down Finn's ass by the time Finn's lifting his hips up. He pulls the clothes off and tosses them behind him and gives himself a moment to just look.

Finn is  _ gorgeous _ .

All smooth, dark skin occasionally interrupted by a scar, a birthmark here and there, muscles layered under softness, wiry hair trailing from his navel, leading down to his cock. 

He splays his hands on Finn's thighs, glancing up to see Finn watching him. “Can I - can I suck you off?”

Finn blinks at him, nodding quickly.

He settles on his belly and kisses the inside of Finn's thigh. Finn lifts up onto his elbows, watching him, his foot pressing against Poe’s side.

He can smell Finn.

Leaning in, he runs his thumb along the length of Finn’s cock, watching the slick gather, feeling Finn shiver against him. He lifts his chest up and stares at the line of fluid that connects them for a moment, catching Finn’s gaze before he sucks his thumb into his mouth.

“Holy  _ kriff _ , Poe.” Finn drops onto his back and spreads his legs more. He groans, pulling his thumb out so he can lean down and take Finn’s cock into his mouth.

Finn bucks against him, thrusting into his mouth. He grabs Finn’s hips and licks up his length, humming, suckling at the head and stroking at the wet heat until his chin is soaked with spit and  _ Finn _ . Finn gasps and grabs at his shoulder. “Wait,”

He pauses, his hands still on Finn. “Uh, you good?”

“Yeah,  _ stars _ ,” Finn takes a deep breath. “Can you use your fingers? In my, uh, hole.”

He presses his face against Finn's thigh and squeezes his eyes shut, lifting his hips off the bed so he doesn't come all over the sheets like a teenager. “You can't just say it like that.”

Finn laughs, rubbing his fingers over Poe's hand still on his hip. “How else am I supposed to say it?”

“In a way that won't make this end way too soon.” He nips Finn's thigh. “You, uh, you like that?”

“Mhm,” Finn pinches the tip of his ear. “Wouldn't ask if I didn't.”

He blows a raspberry on Finn’s thigh. Finn laughs, knocking his knee against Poe's head. “Should I use lube?”

“Do you have lube?”

He pushes himself up and leans over Finn to reach his nightstand. “Just because I haven't had a lot of sex doesn't mean I don't have a sex drive.”

Finn raises an eyebrow. “Have you thought about me?”

“ _ Finn _ ,” He almost drops the lube. “We’re literally having sex right now.”

Finn smiles at him, glides his hands up Poe's back. “I've thought about you.”

A shiver runs down his spine, turning white hot low in his belly. He drops the tube on the bed and leans down on top of Finn so he can kiss him.

Finn pushes his tongue into Poe's mouth, sliding over his, tasting himself. He groans and presses his cock against Finn's hip, grinding down before his brain can catch up to his body. Finn grabs his hips and pulls him until their cocks line up.

He rolls his hips into the wet heat, against Finn's cock, sparks bursting behind his eyes when Finn thrusts back. Finn breaks the kiss with a gasp, sliding his mouth over Poe's cheek, mouthing at his earlobe. “‘M close.”

With one last press of hips he slides down Finn's body again. Finn spreads his legs and there's really nothing to do other than take him in his mouth again. He takes Finn until his nose hits Finn's pelvis, sliding his fingers along Finn's folds, grazing his hole.

Finn moans, his hand gripping the bed sheet. He takes Finn's hand in his, his shoulder burning at the angle with his arm under Finn's leg. Finn tangles their fingers together and holds on as Poe slides one finger into him. He moves slow, gives Finn time to adjust, gives himself a minute to focus on his breathing, on the cool air against his back, on anything other than the fact that he's inside Finn, than what this would feel like around his cock.

Kriff.

He moves slowly, thrusts it a couple of times before he feels Finn tighten around him. Finn rolls his hips and moans, squeezing his hand. “Another?”

He kisses Finn's thigh and pushes a second finger in, watching the way his fingers move in and out of Finn. Finn's hips lift to meet his hand and quickly pick up on the rhythm he's set. He looks up and stares at Finn, at his features slack with pleasure, his chest heaving with quick breaths, the hand that isn't holding Poe's clutching the sheets, pulling it up.

A commander and top pilot in the resistance, Poe has never felt as powerful as he does now. He did this. He's why Finn can't keep his eyes open, he's what's making Finn sweat. He's making Finn feel this good.

He wants to do this forever.

Moving his fingers a little faster, he leans down and takes Finn's cock into his mouth again.

Finn bucks, pushes against his face, moves so hard that the bedsprings squeak. He bobs his head in time with his fingers, closing his eyes at the feeling of Finn tightening around him, Finn's hand trembling in his.

“ _ Stars _ , Oh kriff, Poe,” Finn's hips stutter as he fucks himself onto Poe's fingers, onto his face. “I'm gonna come,”

He hums around Finn. Following Finn's pace, he sucks harder, twists his fingers, tries to press closer. He keeps it up even when his arm begins to tingle under Finn's thigh, his jaw aching, even when he wants nothing more than to watch Finn.

It happens all at once.

Finn's entire body tenses against him, around him, rutting against him with a new desperation. His hand squeezes Poe's even as his fingers slip down Poe's hand, nearly letting go. He moans Poe's name, a melody that poe knows he's never going to forget, that's even hotter than the rush of wetness against his hand.

He keeps moving, only slowing when Finn begins to relax again. Finn shivers and Poe know he's probably on the verge of oversensitive. He pulls his hand away but can't resist one last lick, has to sweep his tongue through the new fluid before he pushes up. He kneels between Finn's legs and freezes.

Spread out on the bed and still catching his breath, his eyes are shut, fingers moving mindlessly over the sheet. There's a wet spot on the bed, between his spread legs.

He crawls up Finn’s body and kisses him. “That was the hottest thing I have ever seen.”

Finn smiles. “That was really good.”

He nuzzles Finn's nose, nips his chin. “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Finn pulls at his hips. “C’mere.”

The thought of saying he's right there crosses his mind but instead he cups Finn's head and lets his fingers slide through the short curls. He lowers down until he's on top of Finn, straddling his leg, resting his weight on Finn when Finn keeps pulling him closer.

Finn kisses him slow, lazy, sliding Poe's lip between his teeth until he starts to move against Finn's hip. He breaks the kiss and mouths at Poe's jaw, nipping at his in ear a way that should be ridiculous but feels really, incredibly good. One of Finn's hands slides between their bellies and pushes a little too hard but then his hand is around Poe's cock, squeezing him, a glorious pressure that makes him light up.

He pushes his face against Finn's neck and moans, twisting his hips into Finn's palm.

“Hold on,” Finn lets go of him and pulls his hand out, reaching for something.

He whines.

“It's not my fault your body hasn't figured out the self-lubricating thing.” Finn pokes his hip. “Give me a hand.”

“Thought you were doing that.” He nips the juncture of Finn's neck and shoulder but lifts his head so he can help Finn.

It takes a moment for them to coordinate themselves but they manage to get the tube open and he pours some into Finn's hand. He drops it onto the bed without a second thought and kisses Finn's neck.

“Lift up, big guy.”

He listens to Finn even as he keeps mouthing at his neck and is rewarded with Finn's hand around his cock. The lube is freezing cold as Finn spreads it over his length but Finn keeps moving, twisting and squeezing, the slick sounds absolutely filthy in the quiet room.

“Kriff, Finn,” He thrusts into Finn's hand, pushing up to nuzzle his jaw. “I'm so close.”

Finn's free hand slides up his side and cups his jaw, nudging him until he lifts his head up enough for them to look at each other. “Next time I want you to fuck me.”

Finn twists his wrist as he says it and the pleasure building inside him spills over. He fucks into Finn's fist, against his belly, closer and closer to the edge, until there's nothing but him and Finn wrapped up together.

He manages another stroke or two before everything goes white.

Pleasure rushes through him, through every cell, making his toes curl. Finn draws it out, makes it last so long that it steals all the air from his lungs, tears through him over and over and over.

It finally eases, Finn's hands slowing until he lets go and pulls his hand from between them, a warm touch on his side. He takes a deep breath.

Holy kriff.

Nuzzling Finn's neck, he gives himself a moment to focus on Finn's thumb stroking his side, on having Finn's body against his. Eventually he lifts his head and smiles. “You're - that was -”

Finn's hands slide to his back. “You're beautiful.”

He swallows back the three words that it's far too soon to say, that his heartbeat spells out in morse code every time he sees Finn, has to settle for words that completely understate how he feels, a ridiculously infinitesimal slice of what he wants to say to the man under him. “You are too.”

Finn smiles under him, tilting his head up to kiss him. A gentle press of lips, unhurried, the scorching heat gone but leaving a different kind of warmth in its place.

He slides off of Finn, curling into his side, and forgets what he was about to say when he sees his come on Finn's torso, probably matching the stickiness on his own.

Huh.

He grazes his thumb through it, the messy proof of what they'd done together.

“We should probably clean up, huh.”

There’s nothing he wants in the world less than to stop touching Finn right now.

He rolls some of his weight onto Finn, ignoring the mess as he secures a leg over Finn's abdomen. Finn laughs and wraps his arms around Poe's shoulders. “Maybe it could wait a few minutes.”

He hums, tracing random patterns onto Finn's chest. “Hey Finn?”

“Mm?”

“This was amazing.”

Finn brushes a kiss on the top of his head and laces their fingers together on his chest. “Yeah, it was.”

Eventually they'll have to get up, get back to their lives, to the war, but for now Poe's world is here in this tiny bunk, wrapped around the most important man in his life.

It's enough.

It has to be.

 

 

\------

 

 

iv.

 

Poe's in the cafeteria when he hears the news.

Jess bursts into the nearly empty room when he's halfway through his lunch. She looks around the nearly empty room, spinning, until her gaze lands on him. “Poe!”

Slipping into commander mode, he stands up. “What's going on?”

“They're coming back!” Jess tugs at his arm, already starting to move back towards the entrance. “They're landing, Poe, Finn's back, we have to -”

Jess’ words fade into white noise as soon as Finn's name leaves her lips.

He takes off.

He runs out of the cafeteria and nearly knocks into someone when he pushes through the door. Yelling an apology over his shoulder, he keeps running.

He doesn’t stop until he reaches the tarmac.

\--

The Falcon is already parked when he gets outside, its hatch already opened.

He scans the crowd as he moves towards the ship. Luke and Leia are talking near the ship while Rey and Jess embrace ahead of them but Finn is nowhere to be seen. Poe spins, looking around the tarmac. Where is he?

His heart begins to race again. Jess said  _ they _ , she said Finn's name, that Finn was on the Falcon, there's no reason for him to not be here. He has to be here. They haven't received anything from them in nearly a  _ month _ , they would have contacted the base if something was off, if anything had happened. Everything was fine the last time they spoke.

He has to be here.

Where is he?

He weaves through the crowd towards the general, checking everyone he passes, the knot in his chest tightening every time the face isn't Finn's.

“Poe!”

He spins and his entire world shrinks to the ramp, to the man walking off it, staring at him, smiling at him.

Finn.

Looking exhausted and in need of a fresher and absolutely, completely perfect, Finn waves at him.

He runs toward Finn without thinking about it, the most natural action, the only thing for him to do. Finn runs too, his gaze locked onto Poe's until they finally meet and arms wrap around shoulders and backs, faces pressing against necks.

He breathes Finn in. The stale ship smell, the warmth of him even through his shirt, the hair he's let grow a little too long scratching Poe's fingers.

He's back.

He tilts Finn's jaw and kisses him.

Three months.

It's been three months since he's felt those lips on his, three months since he's seen those near-black eyes that make him feel like the most loved being in the galaxy.

He presses kisses to Finn's cheek, his nose, his jaw. “I missed you so much.”

“Me too,” Finn hugs him tighter. “I love you.”

He sobs a laugh against Finn's neck. Finn rubs at his back, nosing at his ear. “I love you so much.”

Finn cups his jaw and kisses him again, sighing into the contact. He nuzzles Poe and rests his forehead on Poe’s. “Poe, I’m so happy to see you again, I am, but I’ve been on that ship for  _ days _ and I have like ten minutes before I have to debrief.”

He nods even as he tightens his grip of Finn’s shirt. “Go. I’ll be in our room, we’ll catch up soon as you’re done yeah?”

Finn kisses his cheek, his smile absolutely devastating after so long apart. “I’m glad I’m home.”

\--

He grabs a snack on his way back when he realizes he never finished his lunch. Hopefully Finn won’t be long - he knows that at the very least Finn isn’t going to want to be in a meeting any longer than he has to. He tidies their room - just makes the bed, really, even if he had the inclination to laze about the empty room a colonel’s schedule hardly gets along well with that sort of pastime.

Only a few minutes have passed by the time he’s finished.

He sighs.

Staring at the freshly-made bed, he knows he shouldn’t collapse onto it and ruin his two minutes of hard work, no matter how tempting it is.

So he decides to take a bath instead.

It’s by far the most decadent aspect of the planet they’ve been on for the past six months, but he’s really grown to appreciate the old fancy buildings they call home.

He tells BB to alert him if anyone needs him and piles his clothes on the bed, settling into the bath with a groan.

He feels lighter, now that Finn's back.

The door creaks open and BB-8 chirps in excitement.

“Poe?”

Speak of the devil.

“In here.”

Finn pokes his head in, smiling at him. “Hey,”

“Hey, you.” He watches as Finn tugs his shirt off, splashes some water as enticingly as he can manage. “Gonna join me?”

Finn hums as he pushes his pants down his thighs, standing gloriously naked in front of him. He scans his gaze down Finn's body, taking in the slight differences from the Finn that left three months ago, the new scar over his hip.

He seems thinner now.

“Spread your legs?”

He does, holding a hand out to steady Finn as he steps into the tub. “You know you don't need to ask twice, baby.”

Finn laughs, settling in his lap. He wraps his arms around Finn and hooks his jaw on Finn's shoulder. “Nothing to say to that? You must have really missed me.”

Finn covers Poe's hands with his own. “It was a long three months.”

He kisses Finn's shoulder. “I missed you too, Finn.”

“It wasn't - it was good, it was fantastic getting to train with Rey and Skywalker, but - it's not here, you know?”

“Yeah,” He rests his forehead against the back of Finn's neck. “I do.”

Finn sighs, rubbing his foot on Poe's calf. “I'm going to destroy Ren the next time we see him, though.”

“Kriff yeah you will,” He bites his lip, takes a deep breath. “Do you think you're gonna want to do the jedi thing full time?”

“No,” Finn twists in his lap to face him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Still no, this didn't change my answer. My entire life in the first order was about fighting, about being a soldier. Now that I've got a family I'm never going to give that up to go back to something like that.”

He searches Finn's face. “You know it's not exactly the same as what the first order did to you.”

Finn smiles at him, his wet thumb grazing Poe's jaw. “It kind of sounds like you  _ want _ me to do it.”

He stares at Finn.

“Of course it'd be different, that doesn't mean I want it.” Finn sighs. “Besides, once all of this is done I want to be able to move on, you know that. I want to have my own family, I want to have a job that isn't my whole world. I want time with you. I want a  _ life _ .”

He kisses Finn.

“So now that we’ve settled that again, what did I miss while I was gone?”

“Not a whole lot,” He rubs Finn's arm and tries to remember if there's anything worth telling him. “We wrapped up a couple missions, got some good intel. Iolo almost blew up his x-wing after a bet went south. You know, the usual.”

Finn smiles at him, brushing a hand over his cheek. “What about you?”

“I've been okay.” He watches a drop of water that glides down Finn's chest. “I got to talk to my pa, he's still doing pretty well. He still won't stop talking about how much he wants to meet you.”

Finn grins and cups his jaw. “Soon as this is all over. I can't wait to see all your baby pictures.”

He grimaces. “Or we could just take a nice vacation, find a beach to have sex on, handfeed each other goldfruit.”

“Not a chance.” Finn laughs. “I'm gonna meet your dad and then we’re gonna get married.”

He lifts an eyebrow. “Oh, is that the plan?”

“Mhm,” Finn nods.

He grins, tightening his arms around Finn's waist. “Then I guess that's the plan.”

Finn kisses him.

“What about you? Do you have lots of new Jedi tricks up your sleeves? Did you use your lightsaber a lot?”

Finn smirks, his fingers twisting the curls at the back of Poe's head. “You know I've always been proficient with a stick.”

 

He laughs. “So Jedi don't hone their humour skills then?”

Finn nips his jaw. “It was intense. There was a lot of meditation, lots of sparring practice. Lots of trying to make me crack by annoying me.”

Finn twists back around until he's leaning on Poe's chest again. He pulls Poe's arms around him. “The way Skywalker sees the force is incredible, it was really different from how Leia's taught me.”

He noses the back of Finn's head, over his ear. “Better than?”

“Just different. It was valuable, seeing everything through a different lens.” Finn sighs. “I'm glad I'm back, though.”

“Mm,” He trails soft kisses down Finn's neck, across his shoulder. “Anything in particular you're looking forward to now that you're back?”

“Oh yeah,” Finn's voice rumbles low in his chest. “I've been waiting three months for some of that rehydrated soup, I hope it's still in stock.”

He laughs. The knot in his chest eases a little more.

\--

They stay in the tub until the water goes from tepid to cold, until their skin prunes.

They dry each other off with slow, wandering hands and dress in a comfortable quiet. They go for dinner together, their fingers entwined on the journey there.

It's the same food for dinner that the cafeteria always has, the same food he's eaten for the past three months, for years now, but tonight it's different. The greens look greener, the heavily preserved vegetables taste fresher, even the stale cookies taste sweeter. They eat with Rose and a couple pilots and Finn tells stories of Skywalker, his hand on Poe's thigh the whole time.

The evening passes quickly. They walk around the base for a bit so Finn can see what's changed. They spend a few silent minutes taking in the handful of names that have been engraved in the hall leading to the command centre since Finn had last been there. The walk is slowed by the number of people that stop and welcome Finn back, but Poe doesn't particularly care where they end up or how long it takes to get there.

Besides, he's fairly confident he'll never get sick of seeing Finn be admired the way he absolutely should be.

When they're making their way back towards the officers quarters they run into Leia and Skywalker. Skywalker - Luke, as he's told Poe to call him, Luke, the name that will always take him back to his childhood crush - invites them to play a couple rounds of Horansi. According to Skywalker it's a decades-old tradition, a good way to blow off steam after a long mission.

Neither of them seem to be particularly surprised when Finn gives them a rain check.

\--

They end up in bed after that.

He lays on his back and puts his hands behind his head, watching Finn as he moves around the room, unpacking if only because he knows Poe will bug him about it if he leaves it too long. The man had packed extremely light for a months-long trip, but it always seems to take him an age and a half to put everything away even when he’d only been gone for one night.

Finn hums under his breath, just loud enough to be heard over the rustle of clothing and drawers being pulled open and shut. He reaches into his bag again and looks at Poe over his shoulder. “Oh, I brought you something back.”

“Oh?” He grins. “Is it a t-shirt that says ‘my boyfriend spent three months on Voyrus and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’?”

“No, unfortunately I couldn’t find the gift shop on the uninhabited planet we were on.” Finn laughs, his hand curled into a fist as he settles on the bed beside Poe. “Give me your hand?”

He takes one hand out from under his head and cups Finn’s jaw. Finn chuckles and takes his hand, pulling it down to his lap and putting something cool and rough in his palm. He lifts it up to the light and gasps when he sees the rock.

It gleams in the light, shades of black and teal and yellow that make it look as if there’s a nebula encased within it. “It’s beautiful.”

“They were everywhere. It made it a little harder to focus sometimes, but it was gorgeous.” Finn splays his hand on Poe’s belly. “I’d love to take you there one day.”

He nods, turning the rock to see the way the light catches on its edges. “That can be our second trip, after this is all done.”

Finn takes the stone from him and puts it on the shelf with the rest of the rocks Finn's collected. “It would make for a good honeymoon spot, I think.”

He holds his hand out, pulls Finn back to the bed. “You been thinking about it?”

Finn hums. He settles half on top of Poe, his leg between Poe's, his weight a particularly welcome press after so many months apart. “Been thinking about how much better I sleep when I'm here.”

He massages his fingers into Finn's neck.

Finn rubs his face against Poe's chest, kisses the skin under his mouth. “It's just not the same when there's not someone snoring in my ear.”

He scoffs. “Why did I miss you, again?”

“Cause you love me.” Finn breathes a laugh, the warm air rushing over Poe's chest.

He sighs. There's really no argument he can make against that so he just traces little circles into Finn's back with his fingertips and listens to Finn's breathing even out.

It only takes a few minutes before Finn's hand goes lax on his chest.

He tries to stay awake a little longer, wants as much time with Finn here before one of them is off again.

He dreams of beaches and slow dancing in a busy hall.   
  


 

 

\------

  
  


v.

 

“With that in mind, I think we’re as ready as we can be for tomorrow.” Leia looks around the room, her head held high in the heavy air. “We have the opportunity to finally take back this galaxy. We can set this right. You've worked so hard for this, you've made me so proud, and tomorrow we will succeed. We  _ must _ succeed.”

People crowded into the room begin to nod. Everyone's gaze is glued to her, unmoving from her commanding presence.

“We are going to make sure that none of our fallen comrades have died in vain. We are going to make sure every life that's been lost, every drop of blood that's been spilled, every second you've put into this counts. We are going to raise hell.” She squares her shoulders. “Tomorrow we are going to take back the galaxy.”

The room bursts into deafening applause, as much a release of tension as it is a rally around Leia’s speech. She waits it out patiently, nods at Poe when their gazes meet.

“Alright, dismissed.” The corners of her mouth curl into a small, wry grin. “Get a good sleep tonight. You're going to need it.”

\--

He goes to the hangar.

He fully believes that the squadrons are ready to go, that everyone knows what they're doing, but he needs to ensure everything is ready.

It's taken years for them to get here, they can't kriff it up now that they're finally in the position to take the first order out once and for all. 

He stays in his office through dinner, checking through maintenance reports and flight logs, that every t is crossed and every i is dotted.

There's two quick knocks at the door, and Karé lets herself in without waiting for a response. She walks past the chair on the other side of his desk, opting to sit on the handful of clear inches at the edge of his desk. Crossing her arms with an unimpressed look.

It's almost the fastest he's managed to put that look on her face.

“What'd I do wrong this time?”

Karé doesn't respond.

“If you're going to just sit there I've got lots of paperwork you can do. Y’know, since I'm your boss and all.”

“You're not my boss.”

“Not strictly speaking, not anymore, but I still outrank you and  _ technically _ if I give you orders you need to follow them so if you're wasting my time, then  _ technically _ I can order you out of my office.”

“You would never write me up even if -” Karé pauses, raising a hand up to stop him which is kind of offensive, even if he already has his mouth open to rebuke her. “No, stop, I didn't come here just to banter. You need to stop. Go home, Poe.”

“Is that an order?”

Karé frowns. “I'm serious, dumbass.”

“I have to make sure everything's set for tomorrow.”

“Everything  _ is _ ready. You know it is. We’ve been working towards this for  _ years _ , Poe. Our squadrons are solid. You don't have to do everything yourself.” 

He rolls his eyes. “I don't think it's a good time to start slacking off now, thanks.”

“I know you've somehow managed to get away with your life in some bad situations, but there's no guarantee that's going to hold up tomorrow.” Karé bites her lip. “You know it's not going to be a cakewalk.”

“If we do everything right the losses should be minimal.”

“Yeah, if we do  _ everything _ right.” Karé sighs. “You know just as well as I do how quickly things can turn shit even in a standard fight, and tomorrow's not going to be anywhere near standard."

Poe clenches his jaw. “That's a low blow.”

“No, it's a kriffing wake up call.” Karé squeezes his shoulder. “I know you, Poe. If this is your last night I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to spend it doing paperwork.”

“Of course not.” He swallows. “But the more I prepare tonight the better our chances tomorrow. ‘Sides, I don't see you spending quality time with your loved ones.”

“I was literally on my way out the door when I saw your office light was still on.” She grins. “As soon as I get your ass out of this office I'm going to go have some very good life-affirming sex with my wife, but -”

“You probably could have left that detail out, I've already heard too much about your sex life, thank you -”

“-  _ But _ you're one of my loved ones too. Last time I checked, anyway.” She raises an eyebrow. “So I want to make sure you get that time too. You deserve it.  _ Finn _ deserves it.”

He takes a deep breath. “Kriff.”

Karé smiles at him. “Come on, I want to go hang out with my wife.”

He pushes himself out of the chair and hugs Karé tight. “Kick some ass tomorrow, yeah?”

“Always.”

\--

Finn is meditating when Poe gets to their room.

He's sitting cross-legged on the middle of their bed, eerily still even as Poe shuffles in and strips out of his uniform.

“Hey.”

He meets Finn's gaze over his shoulder, doesn't quite manage a smile. “Hey, do you want me to leave for a bit? I didn't mean to interrupt.”

“Of course not.” Finn holds out a hand. “C’mere.”

He takes it and shuffles onto the bed, into Finn's lap. Finn wraps his arms around Poe's waist and rests their foreheads together. “Hey, you.”

“Hi,” He murmurs, barely audible, something fragile creaking in his chest. “Sorry for interrupting.”

“Don't be. I'm glad you're here.”

He kisses Finn's forehead, a brush of lips over warm skin. “Me too.”

Finn stares at him, his dark eyes reaching somewhere deep inside him. “Poe, I just wanted to say -”

“- No, Finn - no.” He shakes his head. “You don't have to say anything, okay? It's fine. We're fine. Everything's fine.”

Finn frowns. “Poe,”

“Tomorrow we’re going on a mission, just like we have countless times, and then we're going to come back home. Like we always do.”

“Poe, I've seen things -”

“Kriff, Finn.” He climbs off of Finn, sits at the edge of the bed instead, planting his feet on the ground. “The force doesn't always get it right.”

There's a beat of silence before the bed shifts and Finn scoots in behind him, sliding a leg on either side of him. He takes Finn's hands off his hips and wraps their arms around him, pulling Finn close. Finn puts his chin on Poe's shoulder. “I've seen things, recently.”

“Finn -”

“- It's gone different ways. It's not a guarantee, the future can always change, but -” Finn pauses, presses his forehead on the back of Poe's neck. “I saw it, Poe. I saw the end of the first order."

He squeezes Finn's hands, the words he wants to say caught in his throat.

“This has been my entire life. I've been waiting my entire life for this moment. I want to see the other side of it more than anything but - but we have to end this. We  _ have _ to. After tomorrow they aren't going to kidnap another child, they aren't going to kill any more innocent people. I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen,” Finn tightens his arms around Poe. “And I know you will too.”

“Finn -”

“Whatever happens tomorrow I don’t want either of us to leave without you knowing how I feel.”

“I know.” He bites his lip. “I know, Finn.”

“The past three years we've been together have been so much more amazing than I ever thought was even possible. I'm so glad that I had the chance, that I got to have this.” He pauses, his breath warm on the back of Poe's neck. “Even if it's not for as long as it should have been.”

He tries to ease his grip on Finn's arms, rubs his thumb over the warm skin. “Even if we had a hundred years it wouldn't be enough.”

Finn kisses his shoulder. “Whatever happens, I don't regret a thing. It's been worth everything that led to this, that brought me to you.”

He takes a deep breath, twisting in Finn's arms to face him. “If we do make it through tomorrow, you'd make a great politician.”

Finn laughs. “Yeah?”

He nods. “You're really good with your words.”

Finn kisses him, a firm press of lips, the same comfortable warmth spreading through him at the contact, the heaviness in his chest as powerless against it as always. “I love you, with all my heart. I always will.”

He watches Finn, trying in vain to blink away the blurriness taking over his vision. He cups Finn's jaw. “I know you too well for this, Finn.”

“I know.” Finn smiles, a twist that falls far short of his warm eyes. “I'm kriffing terrified. But this is bigger than any of us.”

He nods, watching the track of wetness meet his hand on Finn's cheek. The pressure in his chest builds up and makes his chest tight as he wipes his thumb over Finn's cheek. “This can't be the end for you, okay?”

Finn's lack of reaction, that he doesn't even nod, pushes at something raw in him. “I'm serious, okay? You can't have fought so hard for your entire life, you can't have fought for your freedom only to spend all of it still fighting the same people that stole your childhood and your family from you. You need to see what comes after. You deserve to see peace more than anyone in this galaxy.”

Finn presses their foreheads together.

“And I'm selfish, okay? I'm so selfish, I know I am, but I want a future with you. I want  _ decades _ with you.” He wraps his arms around Finn's shoulders, pulls him close. “I want you to meet my dad and make a home with you, a place with knick knacks and a pet, somewhere we can sleep in sometimes without having to think about the kriffing first order breathing down our necks.”

“I want that too, Poe. You know I do.”

“Promise me.”

The words force themselves out, tight in his threat, nearly cutting his tongue on their way out. Finn's jaw clenches, tense under Poe's palm.

“Even if -” He swallows. “Even if I don't - even if I'm not there. You have to make it out. You have to.”

Finn stares at him, his face crumpling under Poe's gaze. “You could have stayed here, Poe. You had every right to stay with command.”

“You know that was never going to be on the table. Just like I knew you wouldn't either.” He noses Finn's cheek. “Just remember that. Please.”

Finn nods. “I will.”

He knows that's the best Finn can offer him. It has to be enough.

“You too, yeah?”

He cups the back of Finn's head and stares at him. “As long as there's still breath in me I'm coming back to you.”

Finn kisses him.   
  


\--

Finn's heart beats steady in his chest, a constant thrum in Poe's ear. Finn brushes his fingers through Poe's hair and takes a deep breath, his chest rising under Poe's head, his ribs moving into Poe's hand on his side.

“Poe?”

He hums.

“What do you want to do, if things go our way?”

He freezes. “Finn,”

“I know you were already thinking about it.” Finn murmurs. “It's nothing we haven't talked about before.”

He stays quiet for a moment, watching his fingers move over Finn's chest. “I want to take a very long, very hot bath with you and then sleep in, as late as we feel like.

“I want to take you to Yavin 4 and introduce you to my pa and cook you a meal, a proper meal that takes longer than fifteen minutes to make, one that's full of fresh food.”

Finn strokes his fingers over Poe's shoulder. “That sounds good.”

He nods against Finn's chest. “I want to marry you. Wherever you want. Doesn't matter as long as you're there with me.”

“Even Jakku?”

He grins. “Even Jakku.”

Finn hums.

“I want to settle down with you, somewhere nice. Get a dog, or a cat if that's what you want.” He bites his lip. “I want to have kids with you more than anything, Finn.”

“How many?”

“As many as you want.” He breathes a laugh. “A lot. Enough that we’d have a big family.”

Finn pulls one of his hands off Poe's head to cover his hand. “How'd we get them?”

“Doesn't matter. I don't care. I just want a family. Your family.”

“What would they be like?”

He hums. “A lot like you, if we’re lucky.”

Finn's chest shakes with a soft laugh. “I bet they'd have your knack for getting themselves into trouble.”

“Maybe.” He pushes his head up to look at Finn. “I'd want them to have your kindness, your sense of right and wrong.”

Finn smiles at him. “I feel like that could just get them in more trouble, between the two of us.”

“A little trouble can be good for a kid.”

Finn laughs. “Yeah, figured you'd say that.”

“They'd be amazing, Finn. We'd love them so much.”

Finn smiles, running his hand over Poe’s back. “That sounds really nice.”

“It will be.” He sighs. “I want everything with you, Finn. I want lazy mornings and cooking meals together in our kitchen, and spending warm days outside in the garden. I want to travel the galaxy with you and go camping in the middle of nowhere, just the two of us under the stars. The more of us, after we have kids.”

“Would we have kids right away?”

“Depends, I guess.” He drops his head onto Finn's chest again. “Depends how it goes, tomorrow.”

Finn cups the back of his head. “If it goes how we want it to.”

“If it goes how we want it to,” He pauses. “I'd want to give us enough time to find the right place to settle down. We'd probably help the galaxy transition which would take some time but other than that I don't really see why we'd need to wait.”

“I'd want them right away, I think.” Finn's fingers massage circles down the back of his neck, over his shoulder blades. “I want to see you as a dad.”

He kisses Finn's chest. “I want to give you a happy life, Finn.”

Finn cups his face, encouraging him to lift up and meet his gaze. “You already have.”

He drops his forehead onto Finn's, nuzzles Finn's nose, breathes through the rush of emotions, until the wave eases to a gentle pull. “I want to keep doing it, until we’ve both gone grey and our joints ache in the rain. Sixty years. Not sixty minutes.”

Finn brushes his thumb over Poe's cheek.

“That’s why you have to make it to the other side tomorrow, okay? All of that. There’s so much left to do. Even if I don't, you have an entire lifetime of good things ahead of you.”

Finn kisses his chin. “I love you.”

He whispers the words back to Finn, leaning down to place the words into Finn's skin with the press of his mouth, over Finn's heart. He gives them to Finn in the brush of his fingertips on Finn's side, the length of their bodies wrapped up together, and sends a silent prayer that they'll carry him through everything they're up against.

 

 

\------

 

 

vi.

 

Poe pushes the door open with his hip and nearly drops some of the groceries as Shara tugs him inside. “Easy baby, don’t forget your shoes.”

“Okay, papa.” She manages to stand still long enough to pull them off and drop them on the edge of the mat before she runs off to the couch where Finn is snoring softly. “Daddy!”

Shara clambers up onto the couch but Finn’s eyes fly open and his lightning-fast reflexes have him catching her before she can do much damage. He kisses her cheek. “Shh, baby, your sister’s sleeping.”

“Oh! Sorry daddy.” She whispers loudly. 

“It’s okay, sweetie.” Finn grins at Poe as he walks by. “How was the store?” 

“Good! Papa let me get a ice cream!” 

He winces. Finn tilts his head and sends Poe a look. “Oh, did he now?”

“She has your eyes!” He groans. “You know I can’t say no to that.”

Finn shakes his head but Poe knows he has absolutely no ground to stand on when it comes to their wonderful daughter. She’s had them both wrapped around her finger since the day they met her.

Poe joins his husband and daughter as soon as the last of the groceries have been put away. Kneeling in front of the couch, he gives Finn a chaste kiss in greeting.

Shara looks at them expectantly.

Finn pulls her down to lay on his chest and blows a raspberry on her cheek, laughing as she shrieks. “Daddy!”

Shara giggles as Finn rolls onto his side and traps her between his chest and the back of the couch. He blows another raspberry on her cheek. “Papa! Help!”

He tries to keep a straight face as he looks at Shara’s grin showing off her missing teeth over Finn’s shoulder. “What’s wrong Shara?”

“Daddy’s tickling me!”

“Oh no!” He squeezes on the couch behind Finn as smoothly as he can manage, gripping his sweater to keep from falling off. “Do you know what, though? Your daddy is really ticklish too.”

Finn squeaks when Poe slides his fingers under his shirt and starts tickling his stomach. He gasps Poe’s name and tries to curl in on himself. Shara giggles and starts tickling his neck. “Get him papa!”

Finn grabs at his hands and bucks his hips hard enough to disturb Poe’s already precarious balance. He manages to hold onto Finn’s waist tight enough that they both fall off the couch, landing on the floor with an  _ oof _ .

Shara laughs at them from the couch. Before Poe can react Finn spins around and pins his hands to the floor, his twinkling eyes ruining the serious expression. “If I let you go do you promise to keep your hands to yourself?” 

He grins. “I don’t know, what’s my reward if I do?”

Finn shakes his head. “How about I don’t get you back?”

“Is that supposed to discourage me?” He waggles his eyebrows.

“Fine,” Finn huffs. “What do you want?”

“A kiss.”

Finn raises one eyebrow. “Is that all?”

He smiles. “Has it ever taken more than that?”

“Yeah,” Finn smiles. “You have a point there.”

Finn leans down, pausing when there’s a couple inches left between them. He brushes his nose against Poe’s and slowly tilts his head and presses his lips against Poe’s eyebrow. Sitting up, he releases Poe’s arms with an innocent grin.

“Hey, no, that’s not what I meant.”

“Was that not a kiss?”

He rolls his eyes. “Really, Finn?”

“If you wanted something more specific you should have used your words.”

He wraps his leg around Finn’s hip and leverages himself up, kissing his husband square on his mouth. Finn smiles against his lips. He breaks away when a small hand tugs at his shirt. 

Shara stares at him. “I’m hungry.”

\--

They retire to their own room after they get Shara to bed later that night.

Poe lounges in bed with Leia in his arms, relaxing while Finn goes through his usual nighttime routine in their bathroom. At a whopping three months old she's absolutely perfect and hitting every milestone like the champ she is - not least of which being her better than ever sleep schedule. No longer absolutely terrible sleep schedule, at least.

She smiles at him, gurgling happily as he runs his hand over her belly, a loud, bright noise that warms him to his core. He kisses her forehead and rocks her as her laughs morphs into a big yawn, her chubby arms stretching up into the air. 

She's absolutely stunning.

He sings a lullaby under his breath, her favourite, the same song he sings to her every day. She watches him with her big eyes and does a valiant job trying to keep them from closing, but as he sings to her about the handsome prince her eyelids fall lower and lower, hiding more of her gorgeous brown eyes. 

He looks up as Finn steps out of the bathroom, clad only in a pair of boxers. He lets himself ogle his husband, trails his gaze down Finn's chest, over his abdomen, staring at the trail of hair that disappears under the dark blue material.

Finn grins at him as he climbs onto the bed. He plasters himself to Poe's side and runs his fingers over their daughter’s hair, a gentle brush that she leans into.

He catches Finn's gaze and wags his eyebrows.

Finn shakes his head, laughing softly. “You're ridiculous.”

He smiles. “You love it.”

“I love you,” Finn kisses him. He leans into Finn, a warm weight washing through him at the contact. Finn cups his cheek, only breaking their kiss when Leia begins to shift. 

Finn rubs the length of her forearm, smiling when she catches the tip of his thumb in her hand. She pulls it closer to her with her sure baby grip and Finn lets her chew on it, a spot of drool rolling down her chin.

“Do you think we’ve given her too much to look up to by naming her after the general?”

“We?” He looks up at Finn with a laugh. “I wasn't the one to pick that name, my dear husband.”

Finn sends him a look. “I don't remember you putting up a protest, either.”

“Of course not, it's a great name. You still chose it.” He grins. “I think the name will be good. If anything’s gonna screw her up it’ll probably be having two heroes of the resistance as her dads.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Finn breathes a laugh. “Hey, I’ll put her down?”

He passes Leia over with one last kiss to her forehead and rolls onto his side to get the best view of his his husband putting their daughter to bed.

Finn’s back is to him as he puts Leia in her crib. His gaze travels over the old, faded scars, the tattoos gleaming in the soft light as he bends over the crib. He watches as Finn brushes his thumb over her jaw and straightens up, could very easily spend the rest of his life right here in this spot.

Finn returns to the bed, sliding under the covers. He helps Poe get under and pulls him into his arms, taking a deep breath against his chest. He runs his hands over Finn’s shoulders. “You ready for tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Finn sighs, pressing his face against Poe’s sternum with a huff. “You think I wouldn’t be nervous about this kind of thing anymore.”

He cups Finn’s head, massages circles into his scalp. “It’s the first day, it’s totally understandable, but you’re going to knock it out of the park. Like always.”

Finn kisses his chest. “I just want it to go well.”

“It will. They’re going to love it.” Everyone is going to love it. Finn’s been working his ass off on this project for so long now, it’s about damn time people are going to finally see it.

He’s so proud of Finn.

Finn pushes up onto his elbow, rolling half on top of Poe. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” He rubs his fingers up Finn’s arm, over his hand. “Just thinking about how lucky I am.”

Finn turns his hand in Poe’s, leaning in closer. “Yeah?”

“Mm,” He nods at his husband. “Luckiest in the whole galaxy.”

**Author's Note:**

> so this started back in january as a 1k prompt fill (i think the prompt was backrubs) for a friend on tumblr. it immediately spiraled way out of control and became a lot of different things (abandoned, for about half that time, also more proof than i needed that i'm completely incapable of sticking to plans ever) and it's not quite how i wanted it to end up but i'm also so excited to finally be posting this little beast
> 
> (also a huge massive ty to my wonderful friends and especially angel for everything not the least of which coming up with the title like it was nothing and saving me another nine months of work)
> 
> comments and kudos are really truly appreciated
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
